I've spoken of compatibility, in prior posts and in SL. Here is more of what I mean, as a notecard from my Sensuality Azure training materials. A conversation around these questions isn't as exciting as sex. But a conversation is worthwhile for the long-term success of the relationship. Also, in my experience, the kind of person with whom I want to have a long-term relationship values the conversation.
===================================
20 Questions for Tops & Bottoms
===================================
These questions are in no particular order. But if you think one is more important than another, that itself is important. There are undoubtedly other questions worth discussing, but 20 is such a nice, round number.
There aren't right or wrong answers. But without clear and compatible expectations, any relationship is higher risk.
1. What do you look for in a partner? What's most important? What's not important?
2. Have you played with power exchange before? Collared? Been collared? If yes, how did that work out?
3. When do you play? How often? How long? How regularly?
4. When you play, how much can you focus? Will there be interruptions? Will you suddenly need to leave? Can we schedule times where you can focus completely on us?
5. When you log in and I'm already doing something, do I stop to be with you?
6. How far does the dominance extend? For example, permission to log off? Punishment for not logging on when expected?
7. What are your standards for writing? Pose length? Spelling etc.?
8. How important is staying in-character? Do you like to chat OOC during RP? During sex? Does chatting ruin the mood?
9. How do you feel about voice chat? Out-of-character? During RP? During sex?
10. How important are props, scripts, animations, etc. during RP? During sex? (e.g., Xcite!)
11. Will we stay in a specific sim? A specific setting (e.g., Gor, vampire)? If we travel, how will the our relationship work? (e.g., Am I going to be kneeling in only silks in an Earth art gallery?)
12. Who will pay for things? (e.g., house, clothes, furniture)
13. Will there be other bottoms? Do you expect group sex? Bisexual sex? Homosexual sex?
14. Can I have sex with other people? Can you? Only OOC? If ICly, with any consequences?
15. What are some of your kinks? For example, do you like dirty talk? Force? Do you want to experiment?
16. Are there other relationships we need to discuss? Loyalties to a sim? To other players/friends/lovers? Other possible sources of out-of-character drama?
17. If the bottom is owned, will the Top ever sell the bottom?
18. If this doesn't work, how will it end? If we're in the same sim, will one of us have to leave?
19. How fast do you want to go?
20. Are you looking for a RL romantic relationship? A RL power exchange relationship?
---------------------------------------------------------------
Sharing These Materials
---------------------------------------------------------------
This notecard is part of a collection called "Sensuality Azure by Kandr Newall". This collection is licensed as Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike (http://creativecommons.org/). Please don't sell this notecard. Please distribute and modify this notecard freely. Please credit Kandr Newall as the original author.
Showing posts with label Sensuality Azure. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sensuality Azure. Show all posts
Friday, July 30, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Sensuality Azure: Submission Tips
Here is another notecard from my Sensuality Azure training materials. The male dom, female sub language is arbitrary.
===================================
1.2 Submission Tips
===================================
I've received compliments on my "Dominance Tips." I hope it helps dominants role-play better, leading to more excitement and pleasure for submissives. But! As a dominant, I want more excitement and pleasure, too. :-) So, here are matching tips for subs. This note was vastly improved by several subs who wish to remain anonymous, including one special, clever girl. Thank you. Further suggestions are welcome.
You can find "Dominance Tips" where you found this notecard. Much of that advice applies to submissives, like "7. Pay attention to detail."
1. First impressions count.
2. Dress for success.
3. Hunt. Be hunted. Or move on.
4. Kneel with your body and your mind.
5. Don't whine.
6. Be vivid.
7. Make him feel good.
8. Know your limits.
9. Communication is your responsibility, too.
10. There will be other subs.
* Remember
* Sharing These Materials
---------------------------------------------------------------
1. First impressions count.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Some subs will give a dominant three, four, or five chances to prove his abilities. Alas, there seem to be few doms and many subs. So a sub may not get a second chance. Make the most of any meeting with a new dom: he might be the one you want. To prepare for that opportunity, you should...
---------------------------------------------------------------
2. Dress for success.
---------------------------------------------------------------
You must invest in at least an average-quality shape, skin, and hair. In Gor, you also need at least a few "slave" outfits (silks, camisks, etc.). For your body and clothing, more expensive isn't necessarily better. Also, sometimes it's better to mix and match than to buy your whole look from a single designer. Some subs have so many outfits that they will happily share with a newcomer. Don't be afraid to ask for advice from subs whose look you admire. Shopping and dressing together can be fun bonding experiences!
Props, pose balls, and scripted pussies etc. are a matter of taste. Some doms want you to have them, while others focus more on words (like me). Of course, the right naughty toy can re-inspire any dom. When you can, help other subs with their clothing and appearance. If you can, learn how to make clothing and accessories. Then you can be sure that you look unique. Finally, while doms really do like boobies and bums, naked may not be as sexy as the right combination of clothing and accessories.
---------------------------------------------------------------
3. Hunt. Be hunted. Or move on.
---------------------------------------------------------------
If you want him, let him know. A dom may like eagerness, may like being sought after. If you're available, let him know. A dom may like vulnerability, may like the opportunity and challenge of claiming you. But it's only going to happen if he desires you. Don't be clingy, stubborn, or bitter. Sometimes, he's just not that into you.
---------------------------------------------------------------
4. Kneel with your body and your mind.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Being submissive is more than a physical position. Be available, deferential, and selfless. Make it clear that his opinion matters more, that his choice is the final word. This doesn't mean be stupid or simple. But you are trading one kind of power (independence) for another (his fixation on you). He's a dom partly because he finds your submission very, very sexy. Trust me.
---------------------------------------------------------------
5. Don't whine.
---------------------------------------------------------------
You can waste a lot of your energy and his patience by being loudly bored. Or by being constantly upset by other people's choices. Or by being a bitch. Instead, pour that energy into being attractive to him. Make other subs wish they were in your position. They might even learn by your example!
---------------------------------------------------------------
6. Be vivid.
---------------------------------------------------------------
If you want to grab and hold his attention, be present, provocative, and interactive. He has particular tastes, and you should experiment to discover them. Remember, there are four core kinks to online sexuality: (1) exhibitionism, because you're showing off; (2) voyeurism, because he wants to watch you; (3) dirty talk, because he wants you to talk about his cock and your pussy etc.; and (4) mind control, because you're both connecting through thoughts, not RL touch. Understand these kinks. Be creative and exciting, not just a wet slut. To expand your vocabulary, start with my notecard, "Naughty Lists."
---------------------------------------------------------------
7. Make him feel good.
---------------------------------------------------------------
A dom likes attention, and likes having his ego stroked. Mmm. Ego stroking. Make him feel handsome and desirable. For example, mention his tight abs, strong chin, or cute ass. Be careful to say it like you mean it: crap smells the same no matter where you are.
Even if you've earned his collar, you still need to show your adoration, and to keep things hot. Keep flirting. Keep teasing. If he's good, there are probably half a dozen subs trying to get his attention. But you've got the advantage, because you can greet him in his own house. Wearing whatever. Kneeling on the furs.
---------------------------------------------------------------
8. Know your limits.
---------------------------------------------------------------
What squicks you? You'll probably change your mind from time to time. But if you're not clear with yourself and with him, things can get awkward or messy. Not the good kind of messy. At the very least, if your limits aren't clear or relatively stable, you'll confuse him. A good starting place for thinking about and discussing limits is my notecard, "20 Questions for Tops & Bottoms."
---------------------------------------------------------------
9. Communication is your responsibility, too.
---------------------------------------------------------------
A dom may be very busy, especially if he has a business or a leadership role. It's reasonable to expect some communication, about when he might be available, or what he wants from you. Just remember, there is a fine line between being engaging and being overly chatty. Pay attention to what he says and how he says it. Short IMs? Probably in a hurry, so make your response pleasant and to the point. Talkative? Demonstrate that you're listening. Irritated? Try being soothing, even distracting. He will adore you for being thoughtful and undemanding.
---------------------------------------------------------------
10. There will be other subs.
---------------------------------------------------------------
He will look. He will touch. He may have sex. He may own several subs. If you want to be his first choice, you have to work for it. Don't just get jealous. Get creative. Keep his interest by being interesting. The novelty of something new is magical, but you can be new again and again, if you are creative.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Remember
---------------------------------------------------------------
Submission is beautiful and sexy. You have something a dom wants. If you properly inspire him, he will show his appreciation. If you're lacking in any way, you can work on it, and improve. The tips in this note are a starting place. Talk with other subs. Talk with doms. Become the sub you want to be.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Sharing These Materials
---------------------------------------------------------------
This notecard is part of a collection called "Sensuality Azure by Kandr Newall". This collection is licensed as Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike (http://creativecommons.org/). Please don't sell this notecard. Please distribute and modify this notecard freely. Please credit Kandr Newall as the original author.
===================================
1.2 Submission Tips
===================================
I've received compliments on my "Dominance Tips." I hope it helps dominants role-play better, leading to more excitement and pleasure for submissives. But! As a dominant, I want more excitement and pleasure, too. :-) So, here are matching tips for subs. This note was vastly improved by several subs who wish to remain anonymous, including one special, clever girl. Thank you. Further suggestions are welcome.
You can find "Dominance Tips" where you found this notecard. Much of that advice applies to submissives, like "7. Pay attention to detail."
1. First impressions count.
2. Dress for success.
3. Hunt. Be hunted. Or move on.
4. Kneel with your body and your mind.
5. Don't whine.
6. Be vivid.
7. Make him feel good.
8. Know your limits.
9. Communication is your responsibility, too.
10. There will be other subs.
* Remember
* Sharing These Materials
---------------------------------------------------------------
1. First impressions count.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Some subs will give a dominant three, four, or five chances to prove his abilities. Alas, there seem to be few doms and many subs. So a sub may not get a second chance. Make the most of any meeting with a new dom: he might be the one you want. To prepare for that opportunity, you should...
---------------------------------------------------------------
2. Dress for success.
---------------------------------------------------------------
You must invest in at least an average-quality shape, skin, and hair. In Gor, you also need at least a few "slave" outfits (silks, camisks, etc.). For your body and clothing, more expensive isn't necessarily better. Also, sometimes it's better to mix and match than to buy your whole look from a single designer. Some subs have so many outfits that they will happily share with a newcomer. Don't be afraid to ask for advice from subs whose look you admire. Shopping and dressing together can be fun bonding experiences!
Props, pose balls, and scripted pussies etc. are a matter of taste. Some doms want you to have them, while others focus more on words (like me). Of course, the right naughty toy can re-inspire any dom. When you can, help other subs with their clothing and appearance. If you can, learn how to make clothing and accessories. Then you can be sure that you look unique. Finally, while doms really do like boobies and bums, naked may not be as sexy as the right combination of clothing and accessories.
---------------------------------------------------------------
3. Hunt. Be hunted. Or move on.
---------------------------------------------------------------
If you want him, let him know. A dom may like eagerness, may like being sought after. If you're available, let him know. A dom may like vulnerability, may like the opportunity and challenge of claiming you. But it's only going to happen if he desires you. Don't be clingy, stubborn, or bitter. Sometimes, he's just not that into you.
---------------------------------------------------------------
4. Kneel with your body and your mind.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Being submissive is more than a physical position. Be available, deferential, and selfless. Make it clear that his opinion matters more, that his choice is the final word. This doesn't mean be stupid or simple. But you are trading one kind of power (independence) for another (his fixation on you). He's a dom partly because he finds your submission very, very sexy. Trust me.
---------------------------------------------------------------
5. Don't whine.
---------------------------------------------------------------
You can waste a lot of your energy and his patience by being loudly bored. Or by being constantly upset by other people's choices. Or by being a bitch. Instead, pour that energy into being attractive to him. Make other subs wish they were in your position. They might even learn by your example!
---------------------------------------------------------------
6. Be vivid.
---------------------------------------------------------------
If you want to grab and hold his attention, be present, provocative, and interactive. He has particular tastes, and you should experiment to discover them. Remember, there are four core kinks to online sexuality: (1) exhibitionism, because you're showing off; (2) voyeurism, because he wants to watch you; (3) dirty talk, because he wants you to talk about his cock and your pussy etc.; and (4) mind control, because you're both connecting through thoughts, not RL touch. Understand these kinks. Be creative and exciting, not just a wet slut. To expand your vocabulary, start with my notecard, "Naughty Lists."
---------------------------------------------------------------
7. Make him feel good.
---------------------------------------------------------------
A dom likes attention, and likes having his ego stroked. Mmm. Ego stroking. Make him feel handsome and desirable. For example, mention his tight abs, strong chin, or cute ass. Be careful to say it like you mean it: crap smells the same no matter where you are.
Even if you've earned his collar, you still need to show your adoration, and to keep things hot. Keep flirting. Keep teasing. If he's good, there are probably half a dozen subs trying to get his attention. But you've got the advantage, because you can greet him in his own house. Wearing whatever. Kneeling on the furs.
---------------------------------------------------------------
8. Know your limits.
---------------------------------------------------------------
What squicks you? You'll probably change your mind from time to time. But if you're not clear with yourself and with him, things can get awkward or messy. Not the good kind of messy. At the very least, if your limits aren't clear or relatively stable, you'll confuse him. A good starting place for thinking about and discussing limits is my notecard, "20 Questions for Tops & Bottoms."
---------------------------------------------------------------
9. Communication is your responsibility, too.
---------------------------------------------------------------
A dom may be very busy, especially if he has a business or a leadership role. It's reasonable to expect some communication, about when he might be available, or what he wants from you. Just remember, there is a fine line between being engaging and being overly chatty. Pay attention to what he says and how he says it. Short IMs? Probably in a hurry, so make your response pleasant and to the point. Talkative? Demonstrate that you're listening. Irritated? Try being soothing, even distracting. He will adore you for being thoughtful and undemanding.
---------------------------------------------------------------
10. There will be other subs.
---------------------------------------------------------------
He will look. He will touch. He may have sex. He may own several subs. If you want to be his first choice, you have to work for it. Don't just get jealous. Get creative. Keep his interest by being interesting. The novelty of something new is magical, but you can be new again and again, if you are creative.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Remember
---------------------------------------------------------------
Submission is beautiful and sexy. You have something a dom wants. If you properly inspire him, he will show his appreciation. If you're lacking in any way, you can work on it, and improve. The tips in this note are a starting place. Talk with other subs. Talk with doms. Become the sub you want to be.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Sharing These Materials
---------------------------------------------------------------
This notecard is part of a collection called "Sensuality Azure by Kandr Newall". This collection is licensed as Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike (http://creativecommons.org/). Please don't sell this notecard. Please distribute and modify this notecard freely. Please credit Kandr Newall as the original author.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Sensuality Azure: Dominance Tips
In the past, I've held public classes on in SL. The topics included D/s. Over time, I assembled my materials under the title Sensuality Azure, and I've used them in training. I'll share some of the more interesting and useful materials here.
===================================
1.1 Dominance Tips
===================================
Over the years, I've been privileged to be part of IC scenes and OOC conversations with some sexy, well-written submissives. As a dominant, I've paid close attention, because these much-sought-after individuals sometimes talk about disappointing RP and sex. The art of pleasing submissives (and thus playing with them again/often) can't be reduced to a list. But some mistakes seem to occur so frequently that maybe some kind of list would help. I'm not an expert, and further suggestions are very welcome. But without further ado...
1. Ask, or you'll never get any.
2. Know what you want, or at least guess.
3. Focus on the person you're with.
4. Strive for pose-length and -quality compatibility.
5. There are more than two erogenous zones.
6. Read your partner's profile.
7. Pay attention to detail.
8. Foreplay is everything.
9. Sex is good. Sex with RP is better.
10. Write well: creative, vivid, contextual, timely.
* Sharing These Materials
---------------------------------------------------------------
1. Ask, or you'll never get any.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Most submissives here are actively looking for sensual RP at least, with a very good chance of something more. Remember 8th grade dances, with most of the girls on one side of the room and most of the boys on the other? Didn't you wish you were one of the boys brave enough to actually be dancing with someone soft and sweet-smelling?
---------------------------------------------------------------
2. Know what you want, or at least guess.
---------------------------------------------------------------
If I had a nickel for every time a submissive complains that a dominant wants her to lead a scene.... Try truth in advertising: if you don't want to be a dom, don't suit up as one. From my own experience, I'm happily amazed at what I can get away with by projecting confidence.
---------------------------------------------------------------
3. Focus on the person you're with.
---------------------------------------------------------------
If she's graced you with her attention, don't spend your poses wistfully watching another leave, or squander your opportunity IMing elsewhere. You may think she won't notice, but according to her, she already has.
---------------------------------------------------------------
4. Strive for pose-length and -quality compatibility.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Some people like short and brisk poses. Some like longer and more literary. Pay attention to your partner, but don't spend so long composing that she hears crickets.
---------------------------------------------------------------
5. There are more than two erogenous zones.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Her breasts are a nice place to visit, and she probably won't mind your arrival at her pussy. But what about her lips, neck, back, hips, thighs, toes, and anywhere else the Goddess gave her nerve clusters? If only there was a way to learn what gets her off. Oh, right…
---------------------------------------------------------------
6. Read your partner's profile.
---------------------------------------------------------------
She spent time and thought on it. It may even tell you exactly what she wants. Isn't cyberspace cool? Most women are thoughtful, specific, and quite certain about what they like, don't like, and won't do. Being a dominant is not just about what you want. Really.
---------------------------------------------------------------
7. Pay attention to detail.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Mentioning the color of her hair, the lines of her clothing, the feel of your hands on her skin, the sound of your voice: this distinguishes arousing from anatomical. And it shows you're writing for her, not just using generic material.
---------------------------------------------------------------
8. Foreplay is everything.
---------------------------------------------------------------
If you don't understand this, I really don't know what to say. But here goes. On a good day, anyone can probably stretch the description of an orgasm out for a few sentences. Maybe you can be very expressive about thrusting and grunting, but that quickly leads to repetition. What's the opposite of repetition? Creative foreplay. And that's directly related to…
---------------------------------------------------------------
9. Sex is good. Sex with RP is better.
---------------------------------------------------------------
A quick, no-frills shag has its merits, and some women I know even have avatars for just that. But if her profile asks for RP, don't IM "Hey baby! Wanna feel my ten inches?" Creating a rich tapestry takes many threads: flirting, innuendo, shared activities (like shopping), shared sensual activities (like bathing), and more. Women do like sex, and submissive women do like dominant sex, but women also like depth in a relationship, even a fictional one.
---------------------------------------------------------------
10. Write well: creative, vivid, contextual, timely.
---------------------------------------------------------------
It's been said many times, many ways: online, it's the best writers who get laid. Bad speller? Use a word processor, then cut and paste. Use a thesaurus. Try figurative language. Vary sentence length. Read erotica. Read articles on how to write erotica. Work on your keyboarding speed. etc. etc.
Sex is healthy and can be wonderful. You've already distinguished yourself by choosing a co-constructed erotic experience (instead of just surfing porn). If you can confidently promise a submissive sincere, thoughtful, sensual attention (with or without literary excellence), and deliver on that promise, she will remember you. And that means she'll return your future IMs. ;-)
---------------------------------------------------------------
Sharing These Materials
---------------------------------------------------------------
This notecard is part of a collection called "Sensuality Azure by Kandr Newall". This collection is licensed as Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike (http://creativecommons.org/). Please don't sell this notecard. Please distribute and modify this notecard freely. Please credit Kandr Newall as the original author.)
===================================
1.1 Dominance Tips
===================================
Over the years, I've been privileged to be part of IC scenes and OOC conversations with some sexy, well-written submissives. As a dominant, I've paid close attention, because these much-sought-after individuals sometimes talk about disappointing RP and sex. The art of pleasing submissives (and thus playing with them again/often) can't be reduced to a list. But some mistakes seem to occur so frequently that maybe some kind of list would help. I'm not an expert, and further suggestions are very welcome. But without further ado...
1. Ask, or you'll never get any.
2. Know what you want, or at least guess.
3. Focus on the person you're with.
4. Strive for pose-length and -quality compatibility.
5. There are more than two erogenous zones.
6. Read your partner's profile.
7. Pay attention to detail.
8. Foreplay is everything.
9. Sex is good. Sex with RP is better.
10. Write well: creative, vivid, contextual, timely.
* Sharing These Materials
---------------------------------------------------------------
1. Ask, or you'll never get any.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Most submissives here are actively looking for sensual RP at least, with a very good chance of something more. Remember 8th grade dances, with most of the girls on one side of the room and most of the boys on the other? Didn't you wish you were one of the boys brave enough to actually be dancing with someone soft and sweet-smelling?
---------------------------------------------------------------
2. Know what you want, or at least guess.
---------------------------------------------------------------
If I had a nickel for every time a submissive complains that a dominant wants her to lead a scene.... Try truth in advertising: if you don't want to be a dom, don't suit up as one. From my own experience, I'm happily amazed at what I can get away with by projecting confidence.
---------------------------------------------------------------
3. Focus on the person you're with.
---------------------------------------------------------------
If she's graced you with her attention, don't spend your poses wistfully watching another leave, or squander your opportunity IMing elsewhere. You may think she won't notice, but according to her, she already has.
---------------------------------------------------------------
4. Strive for pose-length and -quality compatibility.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Some people like short and brisk poses. Some like longer and more literary. Pay attention to your partner, but don't spend so long composing that she hears crickets.
---------------------------------------------------------------
5. There are more than two erogenous zones.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Her breasts are a nice place to visit, and she probably won't mind your arrival at her pussy. But what about her lips, neck, back, hips, thighs, toes, and anywhere else the Goddess gave her nerve clusters? If only there was a way to learn what gets her off. Oh, right…
---------------------------------------------------------------
6. Read your partner's profile.
---------------------------------------------------------------
She spent time and thought on it. It may even tell you exactly what she wants. Isn't cyberspace cool? Most women are thoughtful, specific, and quite certain about what they like, don't like, and won't do. Being a dominant is not just about what you want. Really.
---------------------------------------------------------------
7. Pay attention to detail.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Mentioning the color of her hair, the lines of her clothing, the feel of your hands on her skin, the sound of your voice: this distinguishes arousing from anatomical. And it shows you're writing for her, not just using generic material.
---------------------------------------------------------------
8. Foreplay is everything.
---------------------------------------------------------------
If you don't understand this, I really don't know what to say. But here goes. On a good day, anyone can probably stretch the description of an orgasm out for a few sentences. Maybe you can be very expressive about thrusting and grunting, but that quickly leads to repetition. What's the opposite of repetition? Creative foreplay. And that's directly related to…
---------------------------------------------------------------
9. Sex is good. Sex with RP is better.
---------------------------------------------------------------
A quick, no-frills shag has its merits, and some women I know even have avatars for just that. But if her profile asks for RP, don't IM "Hey baby! Wanna feel my ten inches?" Creating a rich tapestry takes many threads: flirting, innuendo, shared activities (like shopping), shared sensual activities (like bathing), and more. Women do like sex, and submissive women do like dominant sex, but women also like depth in a relationship, even a fictional one.
---------------------------------------------------------------
10. Write well: creative, vivid, contextual, timely.
---------------------------------------------------------------
It's been said many times, many ways: online, it's the best writers who get laid. Bad speller? Use a word processor, then cut and paste. Use a thesaurus. Try figurative language. Vary sentence length. Read erotica. Read articles on how to write erotica. Work on your keyboarding speed. etc. etc.
Sex is healthy and can be wonderful. You've already distinguished yourself by choosing a co-constructed erotic experience (instead of just surfing porn). If you can confidently promise a submissive sincere, thoughtful, sensual attention (with or without literary excellence), and deliver on that promise, she will remember you. And that means she'll return your future IMs. ;-)
---------------------------------------------------------------
Sharing These Materials
---------------------------------------------------------------
This notecard is part of a collection called "Sensuality Azure by Kandr Newall". This collection is licensed as Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike (http://creativecommons.org/). Please don't sell this notecard. Please distribute and modify this notecard freely. Please credit Kandr Newall as the original author.)
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